The Art of Doing Nothing
I was born a mover which is both a blessing and a curse. At 2 years old, my mother enrolled me in a tap class and the rest is history. I needed to move because my brain was constantly making lists and telling me I had to do something. As I got older, this quality translated into a constant need to be productive and to utilize every hour of the day. I had a lot of energy, but I also had a lot of guilt, feeling like I was wasting time if I wasn’t being productive. It took me a long time and a lot of self-awareness to evolve toward a different mindset.
The evolution came with the assistance of my two children. Like any good parent, I wanted desperately for my children to have every possible experience. I wanted to make sure they were busy with a variety of activities that were enriching and engaging. I also wanted them to become proficient in one or more activities that would give them confidence and perhaps even a resume-booster when it was college application time. When Anna was about 8 or 9 years old, she was taking several dance classes per week and had acquired some great dance skills. As I perused her weekly dance schedule, I noticed a day with no class. I selected a couple of options and told her to pick one so she could dance every day. She looked at me with wide eyes and said, “Mom, I don’t need something going on every day after school.” I looked at her and momentarily thought about convincing her otherwise, and then said, “you’re right.” This is the kid whose favorite activity until ten years old was building fairy houses in the forest with her best friend, Will. She had an incredible sense of awe and wonder in nature. She loved to put music on and pretend she was a character in musicals like The Lion King. She enjoyed doodling. She liked to dream about the little country cottage she would own someday with cozy quilts, home-baked bread, a garden, and 9 children. So why was I preventing her from being a kid?
A few years later, Sam who was five was playing soccer with his club team. It was a cloudy day, but the sun was starting to peak through. My son was standing there looking up at the sky. As the other kids ran circles around him with incredible skill and dexterity, Sam gazed fondly at the emerging sun, found me in the crowd, and said, “Mom, look, the sun!” I laughed a little as the tiny future Beckhams swirled around him. What I didn’t realize then was that he was giving us a foreshadowing of what he would become. He did not like organized sports, (except track and cross country) and loved hiking, camping and being in nature.
Were these really my two kids?
So, they taught me to be present and perhaps a little less “productive” in the traditional sense. Of course, when they left home, it was certainly easier to be less busy with typical activities of a household with growing children. But I can see how shedding the productivity behavior is a tough one at any stage. Some people need to be hyper-busy in their social lives. I may have been heading that direction, and then took a course correction. Now, I don’t need to socialize every day, or have something going on every hour of the weekend. One of my favorite things is taking my morning coffee out on the deck and looking at the birds. They never cease to amaze me with their beauty and fascinating behavior. Sometimes I lay out on the chaise lounge and listen to some music or take some time when I pick up my eggs at Marshall Farm to play with the goats. There’s so much in the world to “not do”, that I really need some time to catch up.